Learning to Fall: The Gift of Mistakes
Every parent knows the feeling: your child forgets their homework (again), gets cut from a team, or finds themselves in a conflict with a friend or teacher. The temptation to jump in and fix things is strong. We want to help them. We want to protect them. We want to prevent them from feeling pain. But the hard truth is, when we constantly shield our kids from mistakes, we also shield them from learning how to grow. As uncomfortable as it is, making mistakes is part of growing up. Whether they are five or fifteen, kids build resilience, confidence, and problem solving skills when they are allowed to stumble - and supported as they get back up.
Mistakes Build Resilence
Think about how children learn to walk. They don’t do it by watching carefully and executing it perfectly on the first try. They fall, again and again, until their muscles strengthen, their coordination improves, and their balance sets in. The same idea applies to every other aspect of growing up: learning to study, managing emotions, making decisions, and building healthy friendships. These are skills, not instincts - they won’t be developed without trial and error. Mistakes aren’t signs of failure, they’re evidence of learning in progress.
Why It’s So Hard to Let Go
Letting our kids fall, even in small ways, can feel counter-intuitive. It can even bring up our own anxiety or perfectionism. Many parents ask themselves, “If they mess up, does that mean I failed too?” Especially in today’s culture where parenting can feel like a performance and kids are expected to excel in every area, it’s easy to fall into the trap of over correcting, over helping, or over-controlling. But protecting kids from struggle doesn’t protect them from life. It only leaves them vulnerable to further challenges.
The Hidden Pressure of Perfection
One reason kids struggle with making mistakes today? They rarely see failure modeled. In a world of instagram highlights, academic pressure, and competitive everything - from sports to social status - many kids group up with the illusion that everyone else is getting it right. When only successes are shared and missteps are hidden, kids start to believe failure is something to be ashamed of. That if they mess up it means something is wrong with them.
Over time this leads to:
Perfectionism - “I have to get it right the first time”
Procrastination - “If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all”
Low risk tolerance - “Trying is too scary”
We can change that. Instead of hiding from mistakes, embrace them. Talk about what you learned - not just what you achieved. When we normalize failure, we take away its shame and make space for courage.
What to Say When They Mess Up
How we respond to our kids; mistakes shape how they respond to themselves.
Avoid Saying:
“Why would you do that?”
“I told you this would happen”
“You always do this”
Try Saying:
“This didn’t go how you hoped, but I’m proud of you for trying”
“It’s okay to be disappointed. What did you learn?”
“Everyone messes up. You’re still growing - and I’m still here”
Criticism often leads to shame or defensiveness. Curiosity builds reflection and confidence.
Let Them Fall - Then Walk Beside Them
Letting kids fall doesn’t mean letting them fail alone. It means giving them the space to grow, and the steady presence of someone who believes in them. Our job isn’t to keep them from making mistakes. It’s to show them that they are capable of learning from them - and are completely loved in the process.
Fall. Learn. Get back up. Repeat.
That’s how kids grow—and how they eventually stand strong on their own.